The Great Santa

Verse 1

The season of Christmas is here once again
Or at least, nearly so, now Advent's gone round
The young ones have handled their pink and white candles
And presents and pudding shall both soon abound

Surely Santa is coming at last!
Surely his great revelation's at hand
He'll fly on a sleigh without aught of delay
To satisfy children's material demands

Verse 2

Yes, see how he rides on an eight-legged steed
From a desolate wasteland where no one has been
He carries a list, and all good little Christians
Should pray that their names are written therein

He knows who is good and he knows who is not
For Santa's good gifts are for only the good
And lasses and lads who are naughty and bad
Their sole recompense shall be fire and blood

Bridge

Holy Bishop Nicholas
Went down to Nicaea
Punched the heretic
Gave him diarrhea

Caught up as a god
To Asgardian heaven
Realm of snow and ice
His to rule was given

Verse 3

The judgment which Santa delivers is cruel
The breath from his nostrils a northerly storm
The beard on his chin with oil shall drip:
His holy anointment this task to perform

Day of wrath! O mourn for the wicked!
What evils await them on Christmas morn?
And what rough beast from out of the east
Slouches to Bethlehem now to be born?