Bears (Probably)

Well my dog ran away
And my pigs ran away And my woman sat down and cried All the milk is spoiled The plans are foiled And someone ate my pie

It was probably bears It was probably bears They make me cuss and swear It was probably bears

My livestock's dead I got no hair on my head And my children have the plague I accident'ly make toast From the Sacred Host And a critter ate my leg

It was probably bears It was probably bears They snuck up the stairs It was probably bears

My woman says with a scowl That I should throw in the towel And wave my fist at the sky She tells me I should curse God But her case is flawed And I tell her exactly why

It was probably bears It was probably bears I say, au contraire It was probably bears

I'm afflicted with misfortune, let me emphasize And my friends won't help, they just philosophize My house burned up and my children are deceased I'm getting blamed for conflicts in the Middle East My wife keeps naggin' 'cause our reputation's soiled I've got the runs in my bum and a bad case of boils I'm scrapin' at 'em, s'what I got this piece of a jar for And now they blamin' me for the genocide in Darfur They hatin' on me for the Greek economy Pointin' fingers 'cause don't want any more austerity It's my fault that the U.S. hit the debt ceilin', and And that the Turks massacred a million Armenians I've been excommunicated by the Catholic Church For coming up with heresies would make your stomach lurch The Russian Patriarch says along with the Pope, he'll Blame me for the sack of Constantinople I'm gettin' blamed right and left for West Bank tensions They're even sayin' I'm behind Christ's crucifixion Y'all biscuitheads.

Well I rebelled against God A demonic jihad And there was war in the heavenly realm We fought the Archangel Michael In a vicious cycle But we were cast down into hell

It was probably bears It was probably bears And no one even cares It was probably bears