Bears (Probably)

Verse 1

Well my dog ran away
And my pigs ran away
And my woman sat down and cried
All the milk is spoiled
The plans are foiled
And someone ate my pie

Chorus 1

It was probably bears
It was probably bears
They make me cuss and swear
It was probably bears

Verse 2

My livestock's dead
I got no hair on my head
And my children have the plague
I accident'ly made toast
From the Sacred Host
And a critter ate my leg

Chorus 2

It was probably bears
It was probably bears
They snuck up the stairs
It was probably bears

Verse 3

My woman says with a scowl
That I should throw in the towel
And wave my fist at the sky
She tells me I should curse God
But her case is flawed
And I tell her exactly why

Chorus 3

It was probably bears
It was probably bears
I say, au contraire
It was probably bears

Bridge

I'm afflicted with misfortune, let me emphasize
And my friends won't help, they just philosophize
My house burned up and my children are deceased
I'm getting blamed for conflicts in the Middle East
My wife keeps naggin' 'cause our reputation's soiled
I've got the runs in my bum and a bad case of boils
I'm scrapin' at 'em, s'what I got this piece of a jar for
And now they blamin' me for the genocide in Darfur
They hatin' on me for the Greek economy
Pointin' fingers 'cause don't want any more austerity
It's my fault that the U.S. hit the debt ceilin', and
And that the Turks massacred a million Armenians
I've been excommunicated by the Catholic Church
For coming up with heresies would make your stomach lurch
The Russian Patriarch says along with the Pope, he'll
Blame me for the sack of Constantinople
I'm gettin' blamed right and left for West Bank tensions
They're even sayin' I'm behind Christ's crucifixion
Y'all biscuitheads.

Verse 4

Well I rebelled against God
A demonic jihad
And there was war in the heavenly realm
We fought the Archangel Michael
In a vicious cycle
But were cast down into hell

Chorus 4

It was probably bears
It was probably bears
And no one even cares
It was probably bears